Why My Dreams Became Medical Dramas

Note: This blog post is written after recounting a series of vivid hospital-themed dreams that stayed with me long after waking up. My AI assistant later helped me explore the strange intersection between healthcare, identity, midlife transitions, and the subconscious. What emerged was unexpectedly thoughtful.

The Strange Psychology of Dreaming About Hospitals

Recently, I had two unusually vivid dreams.

In one dream, I saw my own obituary, except the face on the obituary wasn't mine. Somehow, I was supposed to have died as a terminal patient, but I had apparently "skipped" the obituary and was still alive, travelling, and moving through life.

At one point, I saw a hospital administration placard that mentioned a patient code being recalled because the patient was "no longer in danger". Then someone casually asked me how I was coping because I had "coded twice".

A few weeks later, I had another vivid hospital-related dream. This time, what began as a period somehow became a miscarriage (blood everywhere)! I was in a hospital again, while a specialist looked visibly perplexed, trying to figure out what was wrong.

I now think somewhere between these two dreams, my subconscious has fully absorbed the healthcare ecosystem.

When Your Subconscious Starts Speaking in Medical Language

I have spent years orbiting around healthcare environments, not as a clinician but close enough to absorb their rhythms, language, systems, and emotional atmosphere.

Think hospital corridors, medical terminology, patient journeys, specialist consultations, disease awareness campaigns, and conversations about survival, prevention, treatment, uncertainty, and recovery.

Over time, healthcare stopped feeling like merely an industry I worked around. It became one of the ecosystems through which I understand human life itself.

And perhaps that is why my subconscious now processes emotional transition using hospital logic. This truly feels deeply symbolic and hilariously bureaucratic. LOL.

The Hospital as a Psychological Space

The more I reflected on these dreams, the more I realised hospitals carry symbolic meaning far beyond illness.

Hospitals are transitional spaces. People enter them suspended between "before" and "after". Between uncertainty and diagnosis, sickness and recovery, fear and relief.

Perhaps that is why hospitals appear so frequently in emotionally significant dreams. It's not necessarily because we are afraid of death but because hospitals represent moments where human beings are forced to confront vulnerability and survival beyond our control.

And maybe that is also why neither of my dreams actually felt frightening. Both dreams ended with continuity, i.e., the patient survived, the code was recalled; life continued, and people were checking if I was okay.

So, my dreams were not about endings. They were about recovery.

Midlife Changes the Way You Think About the Body

Perhaps midlife changes the symbolic role the body plays in our subconscious.

As younger adults, many of us unconsciously assume the body will simply cooperate forever.

Then one day, as you age, you start to notice the hormonal shifts, fatigue, the need for health screenings, preventive healthcare, specialists' consultations, and the growing awareness that health is not guaranteed.

Perhaps my dreams are simply reflecting that transition and a growing awareness of the body as something that requires care, interpretation, maintenance, and attention.

Maybe This Is Also What Healing Looks Like

What fascinated me most was not the medical imagery itself, but the emotional tone.

In the dreams, I was calm and almost nostalgic, as though my subconscious was not warning me about something but quietly processing a difficult season I had already survived.

I still do not know exactly what these dreams "mean". Maybe dreams are less prophetic than reflective. Or maybe they simply borrow the emotional vocabulary of the worlds we spend the most time inhabiting.

And perhaps after years spent around hospitals, specialists, patient stories, disease education, and healthcare systems, my subconscious has decided this is now the language it understands best.

Which honestly explains a lot. 😭

Maybe I Was Never Watching Crime Dramas

Note: This post started with me realising that almost all my favourite shows involve traumatised people investigating murders under permanently grey skies. My AI assistant later helped me unpack the psychological patterns behind that oddly specific preference. It's slightly alarming but deeply accurate, though.

Recently, I looked at my Netflix streaming history and realised something mildly concerning about myself. Haha.

Apparently, my idea of "relaxing entertainment" involves emotionally damaged people investigating murders in foggy forests while carrying unresolved childhood trauma. Lol.

As I browsed through the list of TV series genres I enjoy, I realised that I tend to gravitate towards storylines that include some combination of the following:

- psychologically exhausted detectives

- emotionally restrained women

- brilliant but difficult personalities

- haunted families

- isolated towns

- grief disguised as supernatural horror

- intellectually sharp people quietly falling apart

The Shows That Made Me Realise This

The pattern became obvious when I looked at the titles I genuinely loved and remembered amongst the numerous series that I have watched for the past years:

Bones (currently watching)

The Mire (currently watching)

The Graveyard (waiting for Season 3)

The Chestnut Man

The Haunting of Bly Manor

The Haunting of Hill House

The Invisible Guardian

The Legacy of the Bones

Offering to the Storm

Cracow Monsters

House

Well, these titles seem unrelated because some are supernatural horror; some are crime thrillers; some are medical dramas; and some are dark folklore stories. However, emotionally speaking, they all belong to the same universe.

I Realised I'm Drawn to "Wounded Competence"

Almost every protagonist in these stories shares the same emotional structure.

They are usually intelligent, functional, and capable, but they are also deeply unhealed. Many of them appear highly composed, but underneath that competence is grief, loneliness, guilt, emotional isolation, trauma, or some form of unresolved pain that quietly shapes how they move through the world.

I think that is what keeps me watching. Not the murder mystery itself or the plot twists. It is the emotional tension of watching people continue functioning while carrying invisible weight.

The memorable series are those that refuse to simplify human pain. There are no neat emotional resolutions in these series. Trauma is rarely "fixed". Grief does not disappear after one breakthrough conversation. Relationships remain complicated. People make contradictory decisions. Healing is uneven and incomplete.

That feels more emotionally honest to me now than stories where everything becomes meaningful and resolved by the finale.

The Atmosphere Matters More Than the Plot

Another thing I noticed is that I care deeply about emotional atmosphere. The setting itself often feels like a character: cold forests, rainy towns, dim apartments, decaying family homes, muted lighting, and silence that feels emotionally loaded.

A lot of European storytelling especially seems willing to sit in discomfort without rushing to explain everything. There is less emotional spoon-feeding and less urgency to make viewers feel reassured.

And oddly enough, I find that comforting.

Even the Horror Series Are Really About Grief

This became especially obvious with The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor. Technically, these two are horror series. But the real horror is never the ghosts.

It is grief, memory, guilt, love, loss, emotional inheritance, and family wounds that follow people into adulthood. The supernatural simply gives emotional pain a physical form.

That is probably why these stories stay with me longer than conventional horror.

Even My K-Drama Choices Are Emotionally About Grief Too

The pattern became even clearer when I looked at the K-dramas I tend to gravitate towards. Yeah, you guessed it right; I don't watch rom-coms. I really don't like 'lovey-dovey-happily-ever-after' stories.

Even when the stories involve monsters, spirits, the afterlife, or supernatural worlds, the emotional core is rarely horror itself.

Instead, many of these series revolve around unresolved pain, regret, memory, emotional liminality, people unable to move on, and grief that quietly follows people through life.

Tomorrow explores despair, emotional rescue, and the invisible struggles people carry before reaching breaking point.

Missing: The Other Side centres around forgotten dead people whose stories remain unfinished, turning grief into something almost physical.

Even Gyeongseong Creature uses monsters and horror to explore survival, fear, cruelty, and what happens to humanity under extreme suffering.

At this point, I had to admit something to myself: apparently even my supernatural dramas are still emotionally about grief.

Apparently I Also Like Emotionally Difficult Geniuses

This explains my attachment to House and Bones. Both series revolve around brilliant people trying to intellectualise emotions they cannot fully process.

One hides behind logic, the other behind cynicism. Both are emotionally awkward in completely different ways. And somehow, that feels more believable than perfectly adjusted television characters with healthy communication skills and excellent emotional regulation.

Maybe I Was Never Watching Crime Dramas

Maybe I was watching stories about emotional survival. Stories about people trying to continue functioning despite grief, trauma, loneliness, obsession, guilt, or emotional exhaustion.

Not because they are heroes. But because life keeps moving whether people are emotionally ready or not.

And perhaps that is why these stories resonate more deeply with me now than simpler narratives ever could.

Not because they are dark. But because they acknowledge something quietly true:

Human beings are complicated, healing is uneven, and some people carry enormous emotional weight without ever making a spectacle of it.

Apparently You Can Floss Religiously and STILL End Up at the Dentist 😭

I Need to Defend Myself First

I need to clear something up first. I'm not one of those people who only floss right before dental appointments.

I actually brush and floss twice a day religiously and consistently: in the morning and at night, with the kind of commitment, discipline, and optimism of someone who thought she was doing reasonably okay. 😄

And yet… I ended up at the dentist this week because I've been having gum pain on the lower right side of my jaw for about one week.

So I finally went to see Dr Priyanka at Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. She took one look and basically confirmed, "Yes, the gum is infected."

And there was even pus coming out from one side.

Alamak. This is exactly the kind of sentence you want to hear while lying under bright dental lights. 😭

The Annoying Reality of Teeth Crowding and Periodontitis

For context, I already knew I have periodontitis (gum disease). I also have teeth crowding, which means certain areas are harder to clean no matter how disciplined you are.

So despite regular brushing and flossing, bacteria can still accumulate deep around crowded areas and gum pockets.

Adult life is really humbling sometimes. And yes, dental treatments are usually excluded from insurance claims, which makes the whole experience even more annoying.

Oral health maintenance is one of those things that quietly becomes expensive over time. I've actually written before about my frustrations with how costly healthcare is becoming; you can read more about it in this blog post.

Okay, back to periodontitis. Look, periodontitis is not one of those "buy better toothbrushes and toothpastes, and magically everything disappears" situations.

It's more of an ongoing management thing, which could include damage control, you know, trying to keep bad oral bacteria from turning your gums into a war zone.

After cleaning the infected gum, Dr Priyanka also sent me to the imaging department to do an OPG (orthopantomogram) x-ray so that she could evaluate the condition beneath the gums and around the bone support more thoroughly.

So at the next appointment, the treatment plan for my periodontitis will be based on what she sees from the X-ray findings, which honestly makes me feel both reassured… and slightly nervous. 😭

Apparently my adulthood is just going from "Yay, no cavities" to "Let's evaluate the bone support around your teeth for a no-extraction plan."

Character development indeed. 😄

I Came Home with Antibiotics and Oral Probiotics

After the X-ray, I came home with antibiotics to clear the infection and BioGaia Prodentis Lozenges.

Now THIS caught my attention. Because I've always associated probiotics with gut health. You know… yoghurt drinks and digestive health commercials.

But oral probiotics?

So today I learnt that our mouth has its own microbiome too, which means our mouth is basically an entire ecosystem – a tiny bacterial civilisation with good residents and problematic residents.

The oral probiotic lozenges are meant to support healthier bacterial balance in the mouth. The strain inside this one is Lactobacillus reuteri, which has been studied in relation to gum health and oral inflammation.

So now every morning for the next five days, I will be taking the antibiotics. Then, every night for the next 30 days, I will be taking one lozenge in my mouth while reflecting on how adulthood slowly turns all of us into people with highly specific wellness routines. 😄

Did You Know That Oral Health Would Become This Technical?

Honestly, if you told my younger self that one day I would care deeply about:

- gum pockets

- gum infection

- oral microbiome balance

- probiotic strains

…I would not have believed you.

The funny thing is: when people talk about health maintenance, we usually think about exercise, skincare, hormones, supplements, sleep…

But oral health quietly sits there like, "Excuse me. I, too, can become expensive if ignored."

And to be fair to me, I wasn't completely ignoring it. That's the frustrating part.

Fun Facts I Learnt From This Dental Episode

- Sometimes even when you are trying your best, chronic conditions still need ongoing maintenance, especially something like periodontitis.

- Teeth crowding (which can be genetic, thank you very much) can make cleaning difficult even with good habits of consistent brushing and flossing.

- Gum infections can still happen despite consistent oral care.

- Oral probiotics are apparently a real thing now.

And perhaps most importantly:

Adulting is just progressively collecting more specialised healthcare products over time. 😄

Tiny Things That Made Up My Mother’s Day 2026

A Single Carnation Wrapped Like a Tiny Present

Here's my series of small things across the day that somehow came together and quietly became Mother's Day 2026.

I'm beginning to appreciate these kinds of celebrations more as I grow older – soft, sporadic moments that make me pause and think, "This is nice. I want to remember this."

The first thing that marked the days to be remembered as Mother's Day was this simple white carnation. Just one flower wrapped carefully with a ribbon, given free by a restaurant where we went for dinner after Mother's Day Mass..

There is something about single flowers that feels very gentle to me now. Maybe age changes the way we see things. Maybe midlife softens you in unexpected ways.

At this point in life, I think I value thoughtfulness more than grandness.

Apparently Russian Desserts Are Part of My Personality Now

I genuinely did not expect "Russian desserts" to become a 'category' for Mother's Day 2026, but here we are!

The Raspberry Pistachio Medovik (Russian layered honey cake) was rich without being overwhelming, layered with cream and raspberry sauce/jam that somehow tasted both indulgent and comforting.

The Oreshki are one-bite walnut-shaped cookies filled with dulce de leche goodness – the kind of dessert that feels old-world in the best possible way.

I think part of growing older is allowing yourself to enjoy oddly specific things without needing to explain them to anyone.

You know, just a simple "Yes, let's have Russian honey cake on Mother’s Day."

By the way, you can get these Russian desserts at Torte by Linda at Bandar Kinrara 5A, Puchong.

Someone Took the Effort to Make a Heart-Shaped Egg

Honestly, this may be one of my favourite photos! Because a heart-shaped egg is such a tiny, unnecessary detail, which is exactly why it feels meaningful.

It was Mother's Day eve, and the chef at Buttermilk Daddy Cafe intentionally shaped an egg into a heart simply because they wanted the meal to feel a little happier, I guess.

And somehow it is these tiny things that stay with you longer than grand gestures do.

Tanghulu and Midlife Contradictions

At this stage of life, my reality is basically this: Taking magnesium glycinate for better sleep at night while deciding to eat sugar-coated (hello inflammation!) dessert the next day. Haha.

The tanghulu looked ridiculously pretty lined up together: grapes, hawthorns, yoghurt-filled strawberries, mandarins, and blueberries. All with glossy sugar shells catching the light.

Anyway, I think adulthood can become so heavy sometimes that small playful things start feeling important again.

In fact, sometimes shiny sugar-coated fruits on sticks are enough.

Coffee and Cake Might Be One of My Love Languages

There was also coffee. And cake. A delightful combination that has followed me through: work stress, deadlines, motherhood, burnout, healing phases, existential crises. LOL!

At this point, coffee shops feel less like "trendy places" and more like tiny pause buttons in life.

These days, I'm learning that moments of rest with coffee and cake are probably what keep us human in the first place.

Mother's Day Mass Cake Offertory

This year, I had the opportunity to sponsor a cake for the offertory during Mother's Day mass.

What I remembered most, though, was not the cake itself. It was the sudden transition from the calmness and orderliness of mass... to the slightly chaotic cake distribution session afterwards.

The delicious cake with soft buttercream started melting quite quickly, so serving the cake became slightly chaotic.

At one point, the first layer of the cake literally slid off the second layer, resulting in buttercream messiness everywhere. Naturally, serving time became much slower while the queue behind kept getting longer and longer...

It was one of those unintentionally funny moments where everyone was trying their best to stay calm while I was quietly panicking over a collapsing cake. At least I think that's what happened. Haha!

I guess that's also what I like about church events sometimes. Beneath all the formalities, there is still warmth, familiarity, and people simply enjoying small moments together.

And somehow, celebrating Mother's Day with sloppy cake after mass felt very wholesome in a simple way.

Maybe This Is What I Appreciate More Nowadays

A single carnation.
Russian desserts.
A heart-shaped egg.
Tanghulu.
Coffee and cake.
Church cake after mass.

Nothing particularly grand. But all together, they somehow made the days feel memorable in a very "real life" kind of way.

And maybe that is what I want to remember about Mother's Day 2026 after all.