Thank the Lord for the short prayer session last Friday morning. It's a good wake-up call. I'm shameful to admit that I haven't been praying to the Lord for quite some time. So, it was kinda awkward as I struggle to put what I want to pray into words. I can't believe it. I've attended Christian training for two full years and I ended up in such a wretched condition after joining the working community. I was, sad to say, am still trapped willingly in the rat-race...
However, to tell the truth, the prayer session moved me to reconsider the need to get back on the right track regarding my spiritual life as I go on with the working life.
My priority in life at the moment is C-A-R-E-E-R. I love my current job more than the Lord. Oh no! I don't know what kind of mentality I have. I told myself, I don't wanna do anything halfway or "hangat-hangat tahi ayam." When I was a full-time church worker, I served the church whole-heartedly. I treasured the time I spent with the youths while I was involved in the youth ministry. I love music and I've always been having fun with either the guitar or piano while singing hymns with the youths. Those are the days... I miss them. Them? The days or the youths? I'm not sure... May be both. So, since I'm working in the world now, I gotta pay full attention to the job on-hand. I can't concentrate on both sides in a very balanced way. Or, can I? Help me Lord!
As I grow older, the second matter that I begin to consider is F-A-M-I-L-Y. This is a very tricky matter. The Lord should be the Sovereign One but somehow, due to my impatience and lack of faith in Him in this matter, the Lord, by His wisdom allows me to experience heartaches and unnecessary grudges, hatred, and pain. Forgiving and forgetting seem to be part of the lesson. It ain't easy, believe me. I'm still as stubborn as a donkey.
Speaking about this, I begin to recapture Jacob's experience of wrestling with God. He wouldn't let God win but when God touched his hips, Jacob limped for his whole life. When the Lord touches the strongest point of our being, we will limp. Only then we begin the journey of the Christian life.
I shudder as I thought if this. Would I let the Lord touch me in the matter of marriage? Would I be so at peace and rest and have 100% faith in Him in this matter? My spiritual mother said, the Lord can only do something when we STOP our natural strength of trying to do something. Our natural strength is an abomination in God's eyes. He is GOD! His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts! Who are we to interfere with His plans, even in something as personal as our marriage?
Lord, forgive me for my foolishness. Grant me grace that I may learn the lesson of faith and have full trust in You for preparing the one, if there is any, according to Your plan. Lord, grant me wisdom that I may learn to discern what is of You and what is of my filthy self. Thank you Lord.
1 Corinthians 2:9-10, "But as it is written, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard and which have not come up in man's heart; things which God has prepared for those who love Him. But to us God has revealed them through the Spirit, for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God."
1 Corinthians 8:3, "But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him."
Mark 12:30, "And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength."
Scriptures taken from Recovery Version.
Actually, when Jesus Christ becomes the center of our life, everything will fall into places. I guess, I have to make it a point to attend, at least the Friday home meetings and the Lord's table every Lord's Day (Sunday).
Thank you Lord! Do make sure that I don't "fall asleep" too often!
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