I like these:
Radio Conversation
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY’S ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
*****
What A Wonderful Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: Hello!
WOMAN: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: $68,000.
MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing….The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000.
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.
WOMAN: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!
MAN: Bye, I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: Does anyone know whose phone this is?
*****
The Difference Between Marketing And Sales
People have asked for the differences between marketing and sales. Perhaps these analogies will help:
*You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I’m fantastic in bed." That's direct marketing.
*You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's advertising.
*You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's telemarketing.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's public relations.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're great in bed." That's brand recognition.
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a sales rep.
*Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's tech support.
*You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's spam.
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