Where are you, Adam?

Since young, I was trained to do my best in everything. I was the no. 1 student in my class throughout my primary school years, then I secured myself among the top 10 list throughout my secondary school years, and graduated from University of Malaya with a CGPA of 3.68/4.00.

I wasn't an all-rounder, I failed miserably in sports or any physical activities but I've won awards in writing, debating, and stuff like that.

I was also very active in church during my university years and have been trusted with various responsibilities - children service, youth service, bread-and-cup service, etc. Then, after graduating from a Christian training, I was given even more responsibilities as a church worker and traveled to many places.

Everything was fine. I was considered a happy, spiritual, and good sister in Christ among my church members at that time. The funny thing is, the Lord decided not to reveal my Adam to me throughout those years. I accepted the Lord's decision.

Then one day, the Lord took my dad away and my world fell apart. I was bitter and began to inch myself away from church services. Also, due to sour experiences in boy-girl relationship stuff, my faith in the Lord was thinning day by day...

So, I turned my attention from church-related matters to more "crucial" stuff to me at the moment, i.e. building up my career, boosting my network, strengthening my foothold among clients, etc. It's all work, work, work.

I fail in relationships, so I want to succeed in my career, no matter what it takes. Being a proud high-achiever and somewhat perfectionist, I must be able to substitute failures in one aspect of my life with achievements that define who Joyce Rachel Lee is in other aspects.

I've been asking the Lord to show me who's my destined spouse, or if I'm destined to be single, please show me signs or whatever it is so that I'll stop feeling bitter about being single and getting older day by day.

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Yesterday, my bruised ego about a situation was awakened rather abruptly. I wept, but rather briefly, and I blogged about "Count my blessings" to heal my battered soul.

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Today, a work "baby" died. Goodbye. I didn't get volatile, surprisingly. The product died but the flame of enthusiasm in me won't die. I shall retaliate because I won't tolerate failures.

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While chatting with a friend, a married guy, he reminded me that I need a boyfriend more that I need a pet. Haha. Or, should I laugh it off?

Getting into a relationship with marriage prospects is not like buying mobile phones or clothes off the rack.

It takes time to build mutual trust and understanding between a guy and a girl.

It takes time and opportunities, no matter how random it is, to realize the possibility of the existence of chemistry.

It takes two hands to clap or two fingers to snap to make it happen.

It takes one party to express the possibility of a relationship to the other party.

It takes courage to venture into this zone.

And I think, it takes prayers to realize it.

.....

Or maybe a smile is all it takes?

I don't know.

Where are you, Adam?